Memento Mori: Living Fully with Stoic Wisdom
Remembering death provides a powerful perspective on living fully.
The weight of loss has a way of sharpening our focus on what truly matters. Attending two funerals in one week has brought a strong reminder of life's precious and fleeting nature, of our time on this Earth. In such moments, we often find ourselves contemplating the bigger questions: How do we make the most of the time we have? How do we navigate the inevitable pain of loss and the uncertainties of an unknown future?
As you read this, some of you may be deeply resonating with these feelings, perhaps being reminded of your own losses. If that's the case, please know that your heart's response is valid and important. I encourage you to listen to that emotional resonance and allow yourself to lean into it. This moment, this reflection, can be an opportunity to gently process your own grief. There is strength in acknowledging and feeling these emotions. Thank you for allowing me to use this space as a way of processing and finding a healthy expression for my own grief during this shared human experience.
For centuries, philosophers have grappled with those very questions. The Stoics offer just such a framework. Their principles, rooted in virtue, reason, and acceptance, provide a powerful lens through which to understand the brevity of our time here – not as a cause for despair, but as an urgent call to intentional living. It's in this spirit of seeking understanding and finding a path forward that I'd like to explore how the stoicism understanding of our finite time can inspire us to live more meaningfully and to cherish the present moment.
As Marcus Aurelius wisely noted, "You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think." This powerful reminder sets the stage for my exploration into finding meaning in a finite life.
The Stoic Understanding of Life's Brevity and Grief
The Stoics were deeply attuned to the realities of loss and the finite nature of human existence. Their core concept of Memento Mori, which translates to "remember that you must die," wasn't intended as a morbid fixation. Instead, it served as a potent tool for cultivating a profound appreciation for the life we are living now and a clear focus on what truly holds value during our time on Earth. By acknowledging our mortality, the Stoics believed we could strip away the illusions of permanence that often lead us to take our time and our relationships for granted, and instead recognize the inherent urgency of living a virtuous life in the present moment.
It is in the face of loss, in the raw and profound experience of grief following the death of loved ones, that the truth of life's brevity is often most starkly revealed. Grief forces us to confront the unchangeable reality that the time we shared with those we loved was finite, and the opportunities for creating new memories together have passed within the context of this life. Stoicism doesn't offer a way to bypass the genuine pain of grief. It acknowledges such emotions as a natural part of being human, and provides a powerful framework for navigating this pain. This framework centers on focusing our energy on what lies within our control: our responses, how we choose to honor the memory of those we've lost, and the meaning we decide to carry forward from our relationships with them during our remaining time.
The Stoic emperor Marcus Aurelius himself exemplified this profound acceptance, even in his final moments. As history recounts, while he lay ill, his close friends and family were overcome with sorrow. Yet, Marcus Aurelius encouraged them to view death not as a tragedy to be resisted with anguish, but as a natural and inevitable part of life, a transition inherent in the grand cycle of existence during our time here. He also urged them to focus their energy on what truly mattered in their own lives. His focus remained steadfast on accepting what he could not change and on the inherent order of the universe. This powerful example underscores a central tenet of the Stoic approach to loss: to meet even death with a sense of reasoned acceptance, which in turn allows us to navigate grief with greater fortitude and a clearer focus on honoring the life that was lived, rather than solely lamenting its end within the scope of this earthly journey.
The Urgency of the Present Moment
Attending the recent funerals served as a stark reminder of just how short our time on this Earth can feel. Being there, carrying a loved one to their final resting place, witnessing the finality of it all Seneca's words resonated with a new weight: "The present is the only thing of which no one can be deprived." It struck me how much time we can spend dwelling on a past we can't change or worrying about a future that isn't guaranteed, often at the expense of the very moments we are living during our brief existence. This personal reflection underscores the profound relevance of Seneca's quote when we consider the preciousness of each moment of our current life.
Stoicism offers a powerful guide to this reality: the unwavering focus on the present. The past is immutable – we cannot change what has been. The future is uncertain and largely beyond our direct control. The only realm in which we have agency, the only moment where we can truly act and experience life, is now. By anchoring ourselves in the present, we can begin to fully engage with the life we have during our finite time here.
This emphasis on the present moment also connects deeply with cherishing the time we have with loved ones during our shared earthly journey. Instead of being consumed by thoughts of the future or our own limited time together, the Stoic perspective encourages us to be fully present in our interactions, to savor the shared moments, and to appreciate the connection we have now. This mindful presence becomes a powerful way to cultivate meaningful relationships and fully experience the richness of our connections during our time together.
Finding Your Inner Compass: Stoic Virtue and Meaning Beyond Time
In the face of life's inherent uncertainties and its eventual end, the Stoicism emphasis on the virtues of wisdom, justice, courage, and temperance – offers a powerful anchor during our time on this Earth. Reflecting on the recent losses, I've been reminded that so much of what we strive for externally is fragile and can be taken away during our brief lives. Virtue, however, is an internal compass, a way of being that remains within our control, regardless of external circumstances during our earthly existence. This focus on living a virtuous life provides a profound and lasting sense of purpose that transcends the limited span of our time here.
The Stoics believed that true fulfillment isn't found in fleeting pleasures or external achievements, but in living in accordance with reason and virtue during our time in this world. This internal focus can be a guiding light in navigating the complexities of life. It's about consciously choosing to act with wisdom, fairness, courage, and self-control, even in small, daily acts during our present moments. This isn't about forcing a particular emotional state, but about cultivating a deeper sense of meaning in how we choose to navigate our days during our journey.
Thinking back to the people we honored at the funerals, what struck me was not necessarily their possessions or accomplishments, but the essence of their character – how they treated others, how they treated me - the values they stood for during their time with us. These are the things that leave a lasting impact. Now, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on your own core values. What principles truly guide you? What kind of person do you aspire to be during your life here? Aligning your actions with these deeply held values can provide a sense of direction and purpose that is rooted in something more profound than changing emotions or the unpredictable nature of life during our mortal existence. This can be a gentle, step-by-step process of reconnecting with what truly matters to you, offering a quiet but persistent call to live authentically during your remaining time.
Practical Steps to Not Let Time Slip By
Drawing from the Stoicism principles I've explored during my reflection, here are some practical steps we can take to live more intentionally:
Be Intentional with Your Time
Consciously choose how you spend your days during your limited existence. Even small acts of purpose can create a sense of direction and feeling of meaning.
Prioritize Meaningful Connections
Nurture relationships and express appreciation during your time with others. Connection enriches our lives and creates lasting memories.
Practice Gratitude
Acknowledge the good in each day, even small things, during your present moments. This helps us appreciate the now.
Focus on What You Can Control
Direct your energy towards your actions and responses during your time navigating life, especially when facing challenging situations.
Embrace the Present
Engage fully in your current experiences, using mindfulness to anchor yourself in the now during your brief existence.
Reflect on Your Values
Ensure your actions align with what truly matters for you. This provides a sense of direction and meaning and lets you feel better about the life you’re choosing.
Acknowledge and Process Emotions
Allow yourself to feel emotions without judgment. Suppressing them can hinder our ability to live this life fully.
Seek Support When Needed
Reach out to friends, family, or professionals when facing significant life challenges.
Seizing the Fleeting Now: A Call to Intentional Living
The wisdom of Stoicism, particularly the concept of Memento Mori, isn't meant to paralyze us with the fear of death, but rather to awaken us to the preciousness and fleeting nature of our shared human experience on this Earth. As I've been reminded this past week with the loss of loved ones, time is a gift, and one we must not take for granted during our own finite lives. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day, to postpone our dreams and aspirations, thinking there will always be more time during our earthly journey. But the truth, as these recent events have underscored for me, is that our time on this planet is short, and the future is never guaranteed during our mortal existence.
This realization has been a powerful catalyst for me personally. I've decided to stop waiting to demand the best of myself during my remaining time. There's something important I've been putting off, something that truly matters to me but always seems to get pushed to the back burner. No more. This reminder of life's brevity is a call to action – not just for you, but for me too. As Marcus Aurelius wisely said, "Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one."
For me, reflecting on these funerals hasn't just been an intellectual exercise. It's been an important reminder of the urgent need to put these ideas into action, to truly live this philosophy during my finite existence. Let’s focus on the present moment, live in alignment with our values, and cherish the connections we have during our time together. Let’s stop waiting for the "right time" and instead, make this time right during our brief journey. Life is happening now, during our time on this Earth. Let's not let it slip by.
